The Cat Came Back : an account of how I acquired an Executive Assistant
by Grimbor Chainsman

Comfortably ensconced behind his desk and its considerable array of concealed weaponry Grimbor T. Chainsman looked upon from the resume before him to study the applicant once more. She was worth a second appraisal and had curves that invited closer inspection. From the way she smiled he had the sudden intuition that she had sensed that unprofessional thought and didn't mind encouraging it. Not too surprising really as from all accounts she was not only accustomed to being the center of men's attention but reveled in it. Her most negative reference stated that she had the morals of an alley cat. Which, all things considered, was very appropriate.

She was dressed simply enough, a thin red silk dress in the chinese style patterned with roses which fell to her knees but was slit on both sides to her hips, a golden cat's head necklace with emerald eyes and open toed sandals displaying perfectly manicured yet very sharp looking toenails. Like her equally unblemished and equally sharp looking fingernails they were a deep black. A colour not acquired through lacquer but far from the most striking thing about her.

While her dress was relatively modest by the Institute's standards (minimal miniskirts having been female staff uniforms since it opened) there was a lot of her uncovered. Except that she wasn't showing any skin, what was on display was very strokeable looking white fur. Pointed ears poked through the thicker mane of white hair erupting from her scalp and green eyes with oval pupils returned Grimbor's appraisal with matching intensity. Her gaze flicked sideways to take in a black framed photo of a woman with pale lemon skin wearing a black bikini mounted on the office's wall to the desk's right . Whoever the deceased had been since her portrait was displayed in such a prominent position she had obviously meant a lot to the man behind the desk and he was likely not over her yet. So trying to seduce her way into the job could backfire spectacularly which meant she'd have to acquire it solely on her merits. Once she would have hissed and snarled at the thought but the catwoman had learned patience. It took longer to actually earn things but was less trouble in the long run. Besides time wasn't an issue for her, not these days.

Grimbor broke the silence, "Ms. Margrave ..."

"Just Margrave, when you only have one name there's no need for titles."

If Grimbor was annoyed at the interruption he didn't show it. "No doubt, however if you become my Executive Assistant you'll be doing it in your human guise. Like the other nonhumans on staff you'll be required to stay in that form in all public areas and around any of the staff who aren't in what we call the inner circle. Many of our rank and file staff and almost all the patients are rather ... unsophisticated when it comes to xenoforms."

"In short if you hire me it's Catherine Margrave who gets welcomed aboard, not Margrave the Jouma."

"You're very perceptive. A point in your favour and I see from your resume that you've had considerable experience in convincing humans that you're one of them. However while that used to be a necessity now you've got a home waiting for you where you don't have to disguise yourself and can mingle with the locals as an equal." Grimbor paused a moment to gather his thoughts then continued, "I'll lay my cards on the table. You have a lot of skills that would be useful in this position, references from friends in high places vouching for you and glowing reports from Harley ... Doctor Quinzelle about your recovery and demonstrated adaptability. All of which makes you the leading candidate among all the applicants. However for me that make the question of why you'd want to give up a comfortable life as yourself to live under an alias again the key issue."

He stopped, sighed and shook his head. "There's also the secondary question of why suddenly so many former patients want to stick around these days. It used to be when we discharged someone they ran for the hills before we changed our minds. Now? Every time we have a vacancy the first half dozen people in line are former residents. What's up with that?"

Margrave shrugged (suppressing the instinct to exaggerate the bosom shake), "What can I say? I like the ambiance."

As she started to answer Grimbor's question her mind drifted to the first time she had seen him when she first entered the Institute. Had that really been six months ago? Time flew when you were having fun ... and crawled like a snail when you were immersed in near suicidal depression.

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The two women entered the lobby from the tunnel to the visitor's garage drawing the curious gazes of a few Delmos lounging around the terrarium and art gallery. They also drew rather more intense scrutiny from the Officer Jennies patrolling the lobby and all the Spyders in the vicinity. Sensors enroute had identified them and while they did have an appointment since the same sensors also registered that both radiated magical energies and one was a Class Three paranormal Security was keeping a close eye on them in case they had any surprises in store. Apparently oblivious to all the attention they strode on together. Both looked to be in their early twenties though one had snow white hair. However despite its colour her hair was thick and lush and showed no more sign of belonging to an old woman than the rest of her. Sleek body, long tanned legs and arms well displayed by the shoulder high green minidress which perfectly mirrored her eyes' hue. Not that anyone could tell as she walked with her head down, sandals clicked hesitantly on the marble floor as she clung onto her companion's hand for moral support. In a more pleasant mood she would have been a real stunner but as it was her air of depression and defeat made heads turn away.

Her more conservatively dressed companion walked at a pace to match her friend's holding her hand on the right while her left hefted a briefcase which looked top of the line and very expensive. She wore a dark blue business style dress and dressed every inch the young executive on her way to the top. An appearance marred by her bright green hair and vintage "Red Riding Hood Cha Cha" digital watch. Both of which would look very out of place in the boardroom. She was also the one radiating enough power to draw security's attention

Unaware of the scrutiny or anything incongruous in her attire the green haired woman's mind was on more immediate concerns. While she had alway supported her friend she couldn't help thinking that checking into this place was a very bad idea. Still it wasn't too late for one last try at changing her mind.

"Margrave, you haven't signed in yet so it's not to late. We can walk out of here and I can get you into a care facility back home. Someplace more conventional, less ..."

"Kinky?"

She flushed a bit but that was the first sign of humour Margrave had shown all day. "I was going to say less experimental but that too. We've got excellent mental health centers ..."

"None of which have any experience treating non-humans so there are no traditional therapies!" Margrave managed a sour grin. "Not only are we an endangered species but I'm the first one to go crazy so there's no case studies Also I don't want to wind up somebody's research grant while they poke and prod trying to figure out what makes me tick. I'm better off somewhere they've at least had really abnormal patients before!"

While that scenario superficially made sense Margrave's friend had always believed that though they might have significant physiological differences to humans when it came to psychology they were actually very close. After all could they have integrated into human society at all if they had been that alien? But while she firmly believed this she knew better than to mention it. Too much of Margrave's self image was wrapped up in the certainty of her uniqueness. One of five survivors of a once great race and the only one genetically normal. Belief in herself as the last true Jouma was central to her personality, her one unshakeable article of faith and perhaps the reason Margrave had never given up. While she might be traumatised and intensely depressed she had never contemplated suicide. So long as she lived the Jouma weren't extinct, she owed it to posterity to keep their legacy (such as it was) alive.

Which was why her friend gave up trying to persuade her to walk out of the Institute. If it helped her fuel her drive to survive then maybe this was the best place for her. So she said simply, "I hope you know what you're doing."

Margrave gave another faint grin. "Frankly Kitten, so do I."

The receptionist at the Admissions Desk was wearing the white and black outfit that seemed to be the uniform for administrative staff. The monitor in front of her was displaying the identities of both women but protocols had to be observed. "Can I help you?"

"My name's Catherine Margrave, I'm checking in as a patient."

"Oh yes, here's your name. Welcome to the Chainsman Institute, Ms. Margrave. You're right on time." She turned to the companion. "And you are ...?"

"Just a friend." The green haired woman placed her briefcase on the reception desk and opened it. Aware as she did so that suddenly Security was paying a lot more attention to her. They were probably somewhat disappointed when she removed a harmless white plastic box with a red cross on it from the case and handed it to the receptionist. "Margrave has some rather specialised dietary needs which I doubt you can supply so she'll need these supplements." She took a large filefolder from the case then closed it and dropped the folder on top of the box. "Here's the documentation from her physicians."

The receptionist noticed that the folder was was marked "Property of CTU Xenology Studies Department (whatever that meant) but didn't open it. Medicine wasn't her field, anyway all she had to do was hand this stuff over to health services. Just as soon as security had checked it for hidden surprises. She handed Catherine Margrave an already prepared form that was waiting for her signature. Her friend looked as if she was going to say something but caught herself and just shook her head as Margrave read it over then signed. With the last formality done the receptionist spoke into the intercom hoping everything was ready for this patient. Delays made everyone look so unprofessional.

A door to the left flanked by two Jennies and marked "Voluntary Admissions Preparation : No Unauthorized Entry" slide open and a Nurse Joy carrying a very slim folded laptop emerged to greet Margrave.

"Welcome to the Institute, I hope you'll find your stay rewarding and helpful. In fact I'm sure you will, we have an excellent record for patient recovery and your well-being is our prime concern. If you'll just follow me I'll get you settled in and we can let the healing begin" All this was delivered with absolute sincerity by the smiling Joy. Patients from more cynical environments tended to find them overwhelming but as residents of a nigh-utopian city the two women found it oddly homey.

Margrave's friend turned to her and said, "Maybe I should wait until you're settled it, just to see how you're doing."

With genuine regret the nurse told her, "I'm sorry but once a patient's been admitted family and friends have to wait until their scheduled visiting hours to see them. It's up to their therapist to specify when they can have contact as there are occasions that patients benefit from temporary isolation against the outside world. Also as we find the settling in period runs smoother if patients have had time to adjust without breaks in the routine so they aren't allowed visitors for at least their first week. But I'm sure you're on her contacts list so you will be notified as soon as visiting hours are scheduled.

"Oh. Well, maybe I could ..." She trailed off uncertainly and Margrave said, "Kitten, I'll be okay and you're a Minister of the Crown with a government department to run. So since I'm a taxpayer too I've got to say stop loafing around here and get back to work!"

She smiled at the joking rebuke, Margrave seemed to be a bit livelier already so maybe this place would help. "Yes Ma'am!" She saluted then the two old friends hugged and she turned and walked back to the tunnel that would take her back to the visitor's garage. She paused on the threshold to turn and wave then she was gone. Nurse Joy waited until the door had closed before gently tugging on Margrave's wrist.

"This way please." Margrave didn't resist and followed her lead. As they walked Nurse Joy began, "I'm sure it won't be too long before you can see Kitten again ...." but Margrave interrupted sharply.

"That's not her name! It's a personal term of endearment and I'm the only one who uses it!" Realising she was attracting attention Margrave continued as a lower volume. "Since Catherine's too long and I don't like Cathy my friends call me Cat. She's the closest thing I've got to a younger sister so to me she's Kitten."

The nurse nodded, "Family's important and you can never have too many siblings. Do you have any

actual sisters or brothers?"

Margrave shook her head, "Not a one. All my actual next of kin are long dead and I don't make friends easily so she's all I've got!" Somewhat more introspectively she added, "I lived with her older brother for years so for a time she always assumed that one day we really would become sisters but in the end things didn't work out and I dumped him. I was very lucky she understood and we stayed bonded."

The irony of saying that as the door closed behind her wasn't lost on Margrave and she waited for the punchline. Then realised that despite her expectations the corridor was empty except for her, the nurse beside her and an orderly in black leaning against a door a short distance away. The orderly straightened up at the sight of them, turned and stuck her ID card into the door's lock. Margrave just had time to make out the words, "Processing Room 1" before the door slid open and the orderly marched inside. The door stayed open and the nurse gestured towards the entrance. Margrave shrugged and ambled over. As she did she commented, "I was half expecting a dozen orderlies to jump me soon as the door closed behind us and stuff me into a straitjacket."

The nurse shook her head. "That's just for involuntary committals. Voluntary patients get very different treatment. Just so long as they're co-operative."

Was there a hint of a threat there or just a statement of fact? Margrave realized that once upon a time she'd have reacted aggressively to any veiled threat. Now? Now she just meekly walked in the room without hesitating. No two ways about it, she'd become a real wuss.

The orderly was waiting just inside the doorway and closed the processing room's door behind them. She didn't leave her station to join the nurse, just folded her arms and set about looking tough. Evidently the muscle wasn't there to help, just to take her down if she caused trouble. Not that Margrave had any intentions of starting any, she had no shortage of troubles already. So without even any smart remarks she followed the nurse to the examination table against the room's center. Apart from a chair that was firmly fixed to the floor (and possessed the same extra features as the table) it was the room's only furnishing. Unlike the basic models Margrave had seen before in her doctor's offices this one had a lot of straps hanging down and manacles on both the arm and leg rests gaping open. Margrave was expecting the nurse to order her onto it so she was surprised when the Joy placed her laptop on the table and asked her to wait then walked on to the far wall. With the exception of the wall facing the corridor (which besides the door also had a full length mirror the other walls lacked) all the walls were lined with equipment lockers with doors from breadbox to closet sized. The nurse opened one of the smaller ones, riffled through its contents and removed a sealed plastic package marked "Medium" then retrieved a plastic box from another locker. She placed both on the examination table and opened the laptop. Margrave wasn't too surprised to see the file it was displaying had her name on the top. It looked like the medical records the Institute had requested after they were initially contacted before offering her admittance. The nurse taped a few keys and the laptop spat out a label with Margrave's name, the date, a number and a barcode which Nurse Joy stuck to the box's lid. The she opened the box revealing its empty interior and said , "Undress completely and put your clothes in here, please."

Margrave had heard that often enough before but as there were no men in the room there was no point making a production of it so she pulled off her clothes with swift efficiency. Everything was folded and placed in the box as the nurse explained, "We'll run them through our laundry so they'll be crisp and fresh for you when you're discharged." As she finished Margrave was standing naked before her showing no signs of discomfort beyond impatience to get on with things. Nurse Joy looked at her laptop's screen again, frowned slightly and said, "I did ask you to undress completely." which rather baffled both Margrave and the orderly as she certainly looked to be nude.

Understanding dawned on the Joy and she tapped her laptop's screen. "According to this file you can create an illusion which masks your true appearance and from this description of your real form what we're seeing isn't the real you!"

"Oh, that!" It was so instinctive to camouflage herself among unknown humans that she had forgotten these people had been informed of her true nature. How embarrassing!

" Just a sec."

Margrave concentrated for a moment and undid the glamour. The nurse took a half step back but showed no other reaction. As opposed to the orderly who gawked in disbelief and fumbled for her stun wand. Evidently no-one had bothered to brief her and she didn't exactly look reassured when the nurse told her everything was fine and that she'd explain later. Margrave probably hadn't helped by smiling a sharp toothed grin. How long had it been since she'd seen such amusing sheer disbelief? She was feeling better all ready.

The nurse leaned over to study Margrave's backside. While the catwoman was far from shy she had always been curious. Her response to being told curiosity killed the cat was to respond that living in boredom was a worse alternative. So in the spirit of inquiry and the hope of embarrassing the nurse she asked, "Why are you checking out my butt?"

With no hesitation the nurse replied, "I was wondering if you had a tail, some felinoids do and patients with tails can cause problems. In a surprising number of cases their tails turn out to be prehensile and act as an extra limb so we have take extra precaution but I see you don't have one but it's not an issue." She paused a moment then added, "Incidentally you have a cute tush." Now the orderly was gawking at the Joy but from her angle she couldn't see the nurse wink or the answering glitter of amusement in Margrave's eyes.

Nurse Joy reached over and tore the seal on the plastic package then shook out two items. She handed the gray thong and midriff-less tanktop to Margrave with the instructions, "Please put these on. They're our standard patient attire." Margrave complied, reflecting that these looked better than those gowns that gaped in the back which most hospitals used. Soon as she was dressed the Joy began, "Now we just have to wait for the outfitter..." but was interrupted by a buzzer. "Oh good, he's here and since you're dressed let's get on with it." She nodded to the orderly. "Open the door".

The man who entered was unfamiliar to Margrave but from the way both the orderly and nurse deferred to him obviously important around here. Obviously worked out a lot but with a touch of white at the temples so he was older than the body would lead you to believe. Margrave tried to make a quick estimate of his age then gave up. With so many life extension magics and technologies around appearance was a poor tool to measure age. Who should know that better than her? She returned to her appraisal of the newcomer; tall, hands that looked used to manual work, wearing a black t-shirt, leather armbands with adjustable straps, jeans and a heavy looking belt made of thick chain with tools attached to it by some unseen means. She frowned at that last part, it couldn't be, could it?

"Good morning, Mr. Chainsman."

"Good morning Joy, Karen." This last was addressed to the orderly who mumbled something in reply. He didn't notice, just strode over to loom over Margrave. "And you must be Ms. Margrave."

"Just Margrave. So you're really the owner of this place?"

"Alas, just the founder. There's a number of companies who invested in the place who would dispute my claims to sole ownership."

"Fair enough, but why drop in on me?"

"Because you're bound for the Open Ward ..."

The penny dropped, "And I need to be bound for the Open Ward? The nurse said something about an outfitter."

He nodded. "You're quick. We take precautions to prevent all patients from posing a risk to either themselves or each other. It's a rather more urgent procedure for patients in the Closed Wards but it applies to patients in the Open Ward too."

"Okay, I gathered it was going to happen at from the preliminary interview but I figured I'd go through my whole stay without meeting you. Now I find out you do this personally?"

Grimbor shrugged, "I like to keep my hand in, prevent my skills as a locksmith from getting rusty. Also working with Open Ward patients there's time to really personalise the restraints and get things right from day one. When patients are being processed for the Closed Wards things are rather more hurried and often there's a lot of fiddling and adjustments after the patients are subdued. Which is inevitable but annoying when you're a perfectionist so when time permits I like to see that those who can be are done properly the first time around. Now let's take a look at your hands, please."

Margrave shrugged and held them up for inspection, straightening her fingers so their naturally black nails were clearly visible. Without glancing at the laptop display he said, "Sharp looking but the medical reports mentioned actual claws. Could I see them?"

Evidently her physician hadn't censored anything. Ami was far to honest for Margrave's own good! Oh well, she had expected this and it wasn't as if she really wanted to hide them. A simple thought and Margrave's nails changed. They thickened, grew longer and sharper. Flesh shifted over the cuticles which shrank until they vanished and the claws seemed to emerge from her fingertips. On her feet the same transformation had given her toes razor sharp claws.

Grimbor had pulled some sort of tool about the size of a palm pilot from his belt along with an intricately carved amulet which had begun to glow in places. He replaced the former and commented, "Nothing registered on the bio-sensor but Sebastian's amulet is reacting so it must be a purely magical transformation."

Margrave nodded, "That's right."

"WAIT A MINUTE!" All heads turned to the Orderly who looked to be regretting her outburst. In a quieter but equally urgent tone she went on, "I though all sorcery around here was supposed to be blocked by those magic-ward things! But not only did she look human when she arrived now she's changing shape!If the blockers are breaking down then there's a lot of spell casters who are going to run amuck and we're in big trouble!"

Grimbor chuckled. "Not to worry, the magical-wards are still working or there would be alarms going off left, right and center. Actually it's a common mistake to think we've cut off the Institute from all magic. That was the original plan when we hired Sebastian but he pointed out that there were a number of potential patients whose metabolisms depended on magic. For example, vampires. Take all the magic away from a vampire and what's left is a corpse. Also if you did block all magical energies what would there be to power the spell-wards? So a certain level on "mana", naturally occurring magical energy is inevitable. Returning to Margrave her medical records indicate that she's a member of a species who require the ambient mana in their environment to sustain themselves.

Margrave nodded, "If I stepped into a null zone, a place without any magic, I'd start dying."

"So the wards were designed to prevent spell casting, all large scale magical usage and all mage's abilities to store mana and build up the magical energy to power spells. But since this "biological modification" we just witnessed is hardwired into Margrave's genes and evidently integral to her physiology she can perform it so long as there's enough mana to keep her alive. Similarly her glamourcasting ability is a magically powered biological defense mechanism so it can't be blocked. Which is useful since she'll integrate into the Open Ward a lot easier if she looks human."

Margrave grinned but stopped as soon as Grimbor commented, "What big teeth you have. I may have been wrong about glamourcasting being defensive, it might be innate hunting camoflague to make it easier to stalk prey. Nature clearly designed you as a predator."

Damn it, that was the wrong impression to give! How could she have forgotten the accompanying dental transformation when she shifted to fighting status? Margrave had the sudden feeling she was on the verge of being dumped in high security confinement. She needed to come up with some way to make herself seem harmless but she couldn't think of anything to gloss over a mouth full of razor sharp fangs. She'd lost her quick wits, that was one of the reasons she was here. Name of the Abyss!

"Uhm ...."

"Not to worry, I've already studied the security reports we received prior to you arrival and they indicate that you have never hunted humans. While the public safety director in your hometown obviously doesn't like you she just as obviously doesn't consider you a threat. So soon as we take some precautions you'll be free to mingle with the other patients. But before we do that I'd like to see your other transformations."

"Excuse me?"

"According to your metaphysician you have learned to assume two other forms. A larger and more fearsome warrior form and that of a housecat."

Margrave winced, until just now she had though that particular secret limited to her closest friend and the techno-mage who had taught her to control the changes as her shifting capabilities slowly developed. There went her one ace in the hole. "So much for doctor-patient confidentiality."

"We require full disclosure of any pre-existing medical conditions and shape changing is one of those grey areas that overlaps the magical and medical. Though as a rule medical ethics and magical ethics aren't interchangeable and he wasn't committed to secrecy. He notes that you asked him to keep it confidential which he has done so but by committing yourself you gave implicit grounds for disclosure to us. However he has not shared that information with anyone else and will not so long as you do not become a threat to public safety. Nor will we, we respect our patient's private lives."

There was nothing she could do but hope he was sincere. As the humans said the cat was out of the bag. Perhaps a poor analogy since coming here was going to put her into a bag but ... Margrave shook her head, that was enough irrelevance. Shape changing required focus! She closed her eyes and concentrated.

It was almost ten frustrating minutes later that she opened her eyes. It had taken decades to learn to change, it was her one real power and now it was gone! To take her mind off the failure she glanced around the room. The nurse was filling out paperwork, the orderly was watching her and Grimbor was studying the

amulet. He looked up to meet her gaze.

"No luck?"

"NO!" Margrave paused a moment to take a deep breath then continued in a quieter tone. "I wasn't faking. I tried as hard as I could but I can't change shape!"

Grimbor nodded. "I know, I was watching the amulet and it was obvious you were trying to focus magical energy. But as the reports indicated form shifting is a learned behaviour, not an innate one so the spell-wards blocked you."

A light dawned. "You expected me to fail?"

"To be more precise I hoped you would since it means I don't have to use restraints that radically shifts to change shape with you. There's no shortage of them but they're rather restrictive for Open Wards patients. So we can try something simpler. He opened one of the wall cabinets and removed what looked like a pair of oversized white paw shaped gloves that might have come out of a cartoon." He turned them so that the wrists faced Margrave. They seemed to be full of some sort of jelly held in place by an invisible membrane. "Please slip these on."

Knowing she was going to regret this Margrave inserted her hands in the gloves. The jelly oozed around her hands but gave way easily enough before her claws. But as soon as her wrists were inside the jelly the membrane over the gloves wrists hardened. Instinctively she tried to pull back then shake them off but they held firm. Her claws slashed around in the jelly but there was nothing solid to hit and the jelly held her hands buoyed in the gloves' center so she could forget about cutting through the sides. Experimentally she tried flexing her fingers but the gloves digits never twitched. Both her claws and her ability to grasp anything had just been neutralised. While she had been doing that Grimbor had produced boots with a similar cartoon kitty paw design and jelly filled interiors.

"Step into these please."

Margrave sighed but complied. As she had expected the boots were as impossible to remove as the gloves. They also gave the funny feeling of standing on an inflatable cushion though her balance felt all right. As Grimbor opened another cabinet he said, "The advantage of this design is that you can retain your mobility but your natural weaponry is neutralized. These gloves and boots will also cushion any bows you give so even if you lose your temper you can't hurt anyone though the memory material on the surface will record any such impact so in case of any complaints it's easy to verify or disprove those claims. Needless to say any such action would result in more extreme restraint." Margrave nodded, she had expected nothing less and was grateful that she had long ago learned to control her once volcanic temper. Once she had been a walking time bomb, now only the most extreme circumstances could set her off. Such as ...

Abruptly Margrave shuddered over the memory of recent events then felt someone hug her. Ever sensitive to her patient's moods Nurse Joy had felt this patient falling into deep depression and stepped over to comfort her. Grateful for the attention Margrave ignored the orderly who was gawking at the pair and misinterpreting it as the nurse getting the hots for the freaky new patient. Oblivious to all this Grimbor kept talking as he rummaged in the cabinet. Now where had it got to?

"But we need to let the orderlies and nursing staff keep track of your whereabouts so a personal tracking device is essential." Ah, there it was! He turned around carrying a collar with a oversized kitty bell attached. "If you'll just stand still for a moment."

She did and the nurse stepped aside as the cat was belled without any fuss. It chimed as Margrave turned to look in the mirror and study herself. She saw a catwoman with oversized hands and feet and a cute bell on her neck and commented, "I look like Digi-Charat!"

The nurse clapped her hands and nodded but both Grimbor and the orderly looked blank. He said, "I'm afraid the reference eludes me."

"She's a catgirl in this cartoon show about a Gamers store where she's a clerk ..." As she spoke Margrave felt her street credibility dribbling away. To cover herself she added, "I've got a friend who never got over being an anime fan. She's always insisted on showing me all the cartoons that feature catgirls. There's lots of them out there, catgirls are popular. Me? I've never been a fan. I want to see a catgirl I just look in the mirror but it makes her happy and I don't have enough friends that I can afford to piss off the closest so I put up with it."

"This friend, would that be the woman you arrived with?"

"Yeah, she does some interdimensional exploration which is how she learned about this place and mentioned it to me when I started talked about checking in somewhere to get my head together. She's also the closest thing I've got to a sister. Which she would have been if I hadn't got bored with her brother and dumped him ..." She trailed off as she saw Grimbor remove a final item from the cabinet. It looked something like a cat's muzzle from nose to chin made of fine chickenwire though she guessed the material was stronger. The gauge looked too small to get fingers through but a drinking straw should make it. It didn't take three guesses to figure out what that was intended to do so she said, "I don't bite!"

"Probably true but we have to make sure. This will ensure that no even if you get into any arguments with other patients your natural instincts won't cause trouble. This muzzle is lightweight, won't hamper breathing and will absorb kinetic energy in case anyone tries to strike you in the face. It'll also prevent any other patients sticking fingers or other foreign objects in your mouth if they decide to investigate your fangs."

"You want me to be glamoured when I enter the Open Ward, yes?"

"That's correct."

"So I'll look human. No one's going to be able to tell I have fangs!"

"There's always the possibility that something will go wrong in which case you'll become the center of attention. But the primary reason is that while your teeth will look human since you can have fangs whenever you will it precautions are necessary." Margrave opened her mouth to protest until Grimbor added, "Of course if you really object to the muzzle a bit gag made of material you can't bite through should do the trick. It'll hamper articulation and could cause a bit of a drool problem but maybe it's the best solutions ..."

"On second thoughts the muzzle really compliments the look of this outfit. If I'm going to be wearing a cat motif why stop halfway?"

"That's the spirit! Just give me a moment to adjust it."

When that was done Margrave studied her reflection again and shook her head. Her bell was still chiming as she murmurred, "Now I look like Digi-Charat starring in 'Silence of the Lambs'".

The orderly who had been quiet since her outburst suddenly said, "Naw, for that to work you'd have to be strapped to a moving trolley in a straitjacket. Of course that's easy enough to arrange."

Margrave felt a sinking sensation which faded when Grimbor said, "I don't think there's any need for that so long as Margrave behaves herself." He turned to Margrave and said, "If you'll just re-glamour or whatever the correct terminology is there's no reason you can't be escorted into the Open Ward under your own power."

Feeling grateful the catwoman concentrated momentarily and it was done. Her form seemed to ripple for a second and then they were looking at a striking caucasian woman in her early twenties with sun bronzed skin and long flowing white hair. The same woman who had entered with the nurse about half an hour earlier though her clothing and accessories had changed drastically.

"Okay, ready whenever you are. So which way's the Open Ward?"

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A lot had happened after that. Good times, bad times, new friends and a better understanding of herself. Margrave shook off the memory and focused on the man before her. This was the make or break moment for getting the job.

"As to why I'd like to hang around here in disguise there's a lot of reasons. First of all while I've got a comfortable life waiting for me in my own form right now it seems too comfortable. I've been in a rut for decades and it's only now that I'm out of that it's become obvious. I feel re-energised and I want to keep my wits sharp. I need fresh challenges, something radically different and I'm willing to bet that this place will offer plenty to keep me occupied. Wearing human form is a small price to pay and will help keep me sharp.

Also I don't know that I'd be able to resume my comfortable life just yet. Not with the bastard who nearly killed me still on the loose. I know the odds are he's too smart to ever come back but I figure two weeks home and I'll be looking over my shoulder and developing paranoia. But if I stay here I've got dimensional barriers and one hell of security system between him and me."

Margrave paused then resumed with, " But that's for my benefit and irrelevant to doing this job. You want to know how I'll benefit the Institute. I owe this place for putting me back together and I'm willing to make a long term commitment. As long as you want, I've got plenty of years to spare. With my longevity and the fact that everyone I care about back home has similar lifespans there's no rush to return. You said I'm the best applicant and I'm saying as long as you want me in the job I'll be there!"

Had that been enough? She racked her brain and added, "Last but not least there's the fringe benefits."

Grimbor raised an eyebrow, "Fringe benefits?"

Margrave nodded, "I learned from Harley that practical joking is something of an art form around here. Back in the day I used to the queen of practical jokes but that was a long time ago. Utopia can be a surprisingly humourless place. I figure it's all that self righteousness making them take life too seriously.

I need to get back in touch with my roots and this it the place to do it. I can give as good as I get and that's what you need around here. I'll bet half your applicants would crack and start talking lawsuits on April first. Assuming they even lasted that long. So there's no sense hiring anyone without a wicked sense of humour!"

Grimbor had to admit that she had a point. Not long afterwards when their continual pranking of one another developed into mutual respect and Margrave, Erica and Melaine got together to form the unofficial "we're pretending to be human" club nicknamed The Merry Pranksters he would wonder if it had been the right decision. Especially after Catty Nebulart signed up and joined them after her triumph on 2002's Prank Day. But despite all the chaos they caused when on the job they were they still best at what they did so he liked to think that it all balanced out. Of course sometimes it was a lot harder to be philosophical about their activities than others. Such as after the events of the 2003's Prank Day had some unforeseen consequences.

But all that doubt and rationalization was to come later. At the time he just offered his hand and said, "Welcome aboard Margrave."

"Thank you, sir. You won't regret this."

He would reflect later that for the most part she was right.

The End