Doria's First Prank Day - An Incident Report of staff hijinx by G. Chainsman

     Dawn had just broken when Doria Ruridou began the first of the twenty
laps around the Institute that typically began her day, rain or shine.
Fortunately the day was bright and while there was a chill in the air this
early if felt crisp rather than cold.  Just the thing to help her wake up and
she was really going to need her wits about her today.  This was going to be
her first April Fool's Day at the Institute and from what Harley said it was
not a day for sleepwalking through your routine.  If you were offguard today
you could bet someone would take advantage of it.
     She ran on in solitude.  Sometimes she had company, occasionally fellow
employees would jog along with her though few matched her for the length and
endurance of her morning runs.  More frequently Lime would bound alongside
her tirelessly chattering away about nonsense that always brought a smile to
her face while the young Saber's partner of the day rolled her eyes.  But
today it was Bloodberry and Panther taking the morning outside watch and every
time she had passed them they hadn't even looked up as they continued argued
over who drank the last of the sake overnight.
     Doria was well aware many thought her personal exercise routine was too
extreme but she had always maintained herself in peak physical condition.
Not only was it her preference but important as it had been in her days as a
panzer suit champion it was even more vital now.  Patients could hardly take
their gym time seriously if it wasn't overseen by someone who knew the value
of exercise.  Beside since the menu in the cafeteria had improved once Jam
and Ukyo began work therapy in the kitchens it wasn't a time to slack off on
keeping the pounds off.  So she ran on, all the while musing on what she ahd
been told about this day by her friends and co-workers.
     Every organization has its traditions and the first of April, better
known as Prank Day, was the Institute's oldest.  It wasn't that old as the
Institute hadn't even celebrated its first decade yet but it was the most
popular and fiercest defended by the staff.  A whole day where the unofficial
immunity enjoyed by the senior ranks to staff pranks was suspended.  Normally
doctors and department heads only had to watch out for one another and that
happened rarely (though Harley and Emma had traded a few doozies) so they
didn't have to worry about getting caught up in staff hijinx.  But not today,
today if you were outside a high security area you were fair game.  Everyone
had advised her to keep her schedule light for the First as you could never be
sure of being able to get much done.  Harley had told her of venturing
overconfidently into the Open Ward last year sure that she could complete
her rounds.  She hadn't emerged until April 2nd.  That was another part of the
tradition, April Fools Day ended at noon but Prank Day went on until midnight.
     As she neared the end of her morning exercise Doria resolved to stop
musing and focus on her surroundings.  Her routine was well known so an ambush
was a strong possibility.  Oh she was safe enough out here, thanks to a few
incidents in the Institute's early days that had accidentally triggered the
external defenses strict discipline examples had been of the staffers
responsible to encourage everyone to confine their games to within the
Institute.  So she wasn't overly concerned about an attack while she was on
the grounds.  Once she stepped inside the Institute it would be a different
story.
     As she shifted into her post-jog cooling down routine Doria glanced at
her watch.  It was still early and shift change wasn't for another hour so
there shouldn't be much opposition just yet.  Those on duty couldn't leave
their posts and those at liberty weren't likely to get up early just to try
and snare her since she hadn't made any enemies.  Except among the patients
and they didn't get to participate.
     Doria strolled over to the nearby employees only entrance and stepped
inside as the outerr door opened before her.  It sealed behind her and the
equally formidable inner door remained firmly closed.  Which was only right and
proper as nobody got into Institute's secured areas without being cleared even
if they passed through here daily.  She unclipped the security badge clipped to
her sweatshirt and leaned forward to slid it into the reader.  As she did she
knew a retinal scan was being taken and who knew what other scans occurred
simultaneously.  DNA, brainwaves, spirit; all were rumoured to be checked by
the scanners.  If anything didn't match her profile or it they all checked but
the security pass was rejected (since there were those around who could
replicate any physical feature of those they impersonated) alarms would go off
and she'd be blasted with a combination of stun beams, spyder spinnerets,
paste guns, beta latex applicators and who knew what else.  Which would also
happen if the Jenny on the desk falsified the scanner readouts making this a
perfect trap zone.  Fortunately for her messing with the equipment in a high
security environment was a dismissable offense so as Doria had expected the
reader returned her pass and the inner door opened without incident.  Bidding
good morning to the Jenny behind the security desk who waved her on through
(when first hired it had taken her weeks to be able to tell it wasn't the same
woman sitting there every morning) Doria walked out of the entryway unmolested
and stepped cautiously into the corridor.
     No boobytraps were waiting nor did she see anything unusual on the floor,
walls or roof as she proceeded to the locker room.  Harley had told her the
trick was to balance a sense of caution with outright paranoia.  Overdo it
and some wisegal would try and get you committed for the day.
     Nothing happened enroute which was vaguely annoying after all the buildup
the others had given Prank Day.  Though to be fair it was still early.  As
usually the locker room was silent and empty at this time of day.  She took
a moment to listen and reassure herself she was alone.  Then after checking
her locker had not been tampered with she removed her washbag, stripped off
her clothing and grabbed a towel off the rack as she headed for the showers.
Once inside the washroom she closed the door behind her and started the water
running.  That done she stepped back to the wall beside the door where it
would shield her presence if the door opened and waited for five minutes.
No one seemed eager to ambush her while she was in the shower so Doria
shrugged, paused a moment to pour shampoo onto the tiles in front of the door
and entered the shower listening for the crash of falling intruders.
     Again she was vaguely disappointed at the lack of attack.  Nor did anyone
burst in as she was drying herself or using the towel to mop up the shampoo
spill.  The locker room was unchanged and no one lay in wait.  So far Prank
Day was a definite anticlimax.  The old saying was true, they would have to
get up early in the morning to catch her out and around here everyone was a
late riser.  She dressed (after opening her locker while standing to the side
in case anything unpleasant flew out) more formally than usual.  Since she
normally took a hands-on approach to her job her usual attire was T-shirt,
jacket, shorts, socks and sneakers.  But following Harley's advice she had
arranged for the only physiotherapy of the day to be programs her assistants
could oversee.  The paperwork had been piling up while she worked with the
patients directly so this was a good day to stay in her office reducing the
size of the stacks.  So she donned the tan hose, white blouse, black leather
skirt and red vest she had worn for her staff photo and sometimes for staff
meetings.  It felt much more appropriate to wear this outfit while sitting
behind a desk for a change.  Cinching her choker's red ribbon she ventured
prudently forth to face the day.  Or at least a mountain of paperwork.
     The corridor was still deserted which wasn't unusual for this time of day 
despite her inclination to look for something sinister in the silence.  It was
looking like the day would go as planned.  Once in her office with only the
doorway to watch she would be reasonably secure for the rest of the morning
while she caught up on her paperwork.  At noon she'd would break and head for
the cafeteria.  Lunch should be safe enough.  It was deemed bad form to drug
food or cause a ruckus in the cafeteria so assuming she made it there she
would be able to dine in peace.  It would have been more secure to bring her
own lunch but that smacked of giving into fear rather than caution.  Doria
Ruridou was not going to cower in an office all day.  Besides it would be
interesting to see who else managed to stay free until midday and showed up to
eat.  After that the afternoon was unplanned.  If need be it would be back to
the paperwork but maybe she could find the time to look in on the gym itself.   
     She had almost reached the annex when it happened.  A Spyder scuttling
down the corridor on its programmed patrol route stopped dead.  Doria stopped
and glanced around but she saw nothing out of the ordinary.  She suddenly
realised its scanner eye was fixed on her.  That made no sense!  Subverting
Spyder programming was a major violation of security regulations.  Who would
be that foolish?
     As if in answer to her question the gym doors opened and her assistants
strolled out.  That set off definite warning bells.  Their shift didn't start
for another hour and neither was known for being in early.  In fact both Dee
Dees had received demerits for tardiness.  All thanks to her reports she now
remembered.  But surely they wouldn't be that reckless assuming they even
possessed the skill and neither was known as any kind of hacker.  
     Neither of the twins showed any signs of presenting a threat nor did more
than wave in her direction as they lounged on either side of the entryway with
elaborate unconcern.  It looked like they were to jump her as she passed them
and walked through the door.  Or maybe they were trying to make her think
that and distract her attention as she walked into the real ambush inside the
gym.  Or it was all a bluff, a false alarm so she would be off guard for the 
real ambition.  The question was which was more likely?  
     Before she could properly assess her assistants behaviour there was a
faint whoosh and a small hatchway opened in the wall at floorlevel.  Three
spyders scuttled out and moved to surround her.  The spyderways were 
active and a swarm was gathering centering on her!  But why?     
     Always think before acting if the situation permits.  They weren't
attacking, just observing so that meant an irregularity had been detected
but since there wasn't an alert their programming was to observe and
relay their videofeeds to Security Central with priority status and await 
orders rather than engage the anomaly.  So at any other time of the year this
would be a glitch but today it was too coincidental to ...  She caught a 
flicker of movement and turned from the spyders to see her assistants 
showing signs of life.  Diedre was toying with one of the Institute's dedicated
cel phones while her twin sister flipped and caught a plastic rectangle about the
size of ... 
     With a sick feeling Doria grasped her security pass and turned it so she
could look at it.  While the picture was right it was a poor copy.  Hers read 
"Doria Ruridou" not "Enemy Spy".  She was still looking as Delia flipped open
her phone and loudly said, "Jenny, we've got an imposter down here.  Shouldn't
you be doing something?"
      Doria felt a momentary admiration.  They'd switched passes while she was
in the shower and she had neglected to check it.  Careless of her but equally
careless of them to show off their trophy.  All she had to do get it from them
and she was home free.  She reached out mentally to summon the energy to
accelerate herself to hyperspeed from her panzer and snatch the pass before
the spyders activated.
     Nothing happened.  As the spyders came to life Doria wasted another
moment to curse as she remembered that without the personalised jammer in the
pass she was as vulnerable to the Institute's power neutralisers as any of the
patients.  For security reasons it only functioned in her immediate vicinity
and while she was wearing it.  Until she held it again it might as well be on
the far side of the moon for all the good it would do her.  
     She made a valiant effort to dodge the spyders' webbing and reach her
assistants but halfway there a strand caught her ankle and she stumbled.  The
webbed left ankle brushed against her right calf and stuck so she couldn't get
up again.  She checked her instinctive lunge to try and pull it off so her
hands didn't wind up stuck to her ankle but it didn't make much difference as the
Spyders webbing fell like rain.  It was all over in seconds and the Spyders 
ceased fire so once Delia had tossed Doria's pass inside the gym doors the
Dee Dee's wandered over for a closer look at their boss.
     Unlike a tape boy it wasn't a completely enclosing coccoon.  Here and there
you could glimpse clothing beneath the strands and her face wasn't covered.  
Her eyes glared at them from behind the glasses that had stayed in place and 
indeed were now glued in place by the webbing across their arms.  Her jaw was
uncovered too so she could still talk.
      "You little ... GMMPH!"  The last exclamation was caused as a Spyder's
default gag mode activated.  Directive 137 stated discourtesy from
patient/prisoner to staff members was not permitted.
       While their furious boss tried to promise fearful retribution, but came
out sounding like she had a mouth full of cotton Diedre commented, "It's a
remarkable resemblance, Delia."
      Her twin nodded.  "If it hadn't been for the fake badge I'd never have
known."  There were a few more comments in this vein as Doria tried and
failed to break the webbing with sheer human brute strength until the Jennies
arrived with a beta gurney. 
     Once Doria was loaded on nozzles on the gurney's sides sprayed a fine
mist of beta latex which dried to a skin tight (or rather webbing tight) sheet
that held her to the gurney as if she was part of it.  Ignoring her the Jenny
on the right loudly mused, "So what do you think?  Shapeshifter or disguise
artist extraordinare?"
      Her partner shrugged, "Hard to say without any info.  Either way she
must be dangerous to get this far."  With even more exaggerated concern she
asked, "Now what should we do with her?"
      The Dee Dee's leaned forward and casually remarked, "We have an idea."
The group tightened up and voices dropped so Doria couldn't tell what they
were saying.  Doria stopped struggling and sighed.  All her precautions and
she had walked right into a trap that was obvious in hindsight.  Harley was
right, it was very easy to become overconfident!  The group straightened up
with everyone trying to keep a straight face.  Doria winced as best she could,
this was not going to be good.
     To Doria's surprise they didn't wheel her into the Beta Lab but rather
the Boing Encasement Room.  Noticing her eyes widened Denise leaned close to
whisper, "Everyone does beta.  It's so, like, yesterday!"  Once they had reached
the coffin sized Boing Application Box one of the Jennys dissolved the Beta
sheet.  A gesture Doria didn't really appreciate as from what she knew of
Boing it wasn't any better.    
      Doria didn't particularly appreciate the individualistic aspects of
their plans for her and fought as best she could but being largely coccooned
she couldn't thrash around enough to stop them dumping her in the Boing box.
As its lid sealed and the Boing flooded the interior she remembered to keep
her eyes open so they wouldn't be frozen shut.  
       Suddenly that wasn't an issue as Doria realised she couldn't blink or
move to the limited extent the webbing had allowed.  The lid opened and she
saw everything through a gold filter.  So this was how the world looked from
the inside of a Boing block.  Frankly it was an experience she could have
happily skipped.
     Since she couldn't move in the slightest all she could see was what was
directly ahead and right now that was the ceiling and the light fixtures.  The
view shifted as the block she was embedded in was hauled out and it was stood
upright.  Now she had a good view of everyone's footwear as they had set up
the block upside down!  Someone, she couldn't tell who from this angle, must
have fetched a handcart as the view tilted suddenly as she was trundled off
down the corridor.  Doria had expected her destination would be a secured cell
but as they entered a hallway and began passing exhibits she realised she was
in the art gallery.
     Her view staightened again as handcart was lowered and the block slid
off.  Muffled footsteps clumped away leaving two sets of shoes.  These turned
out to belong to her assistants as they crouched down to wave at her.  Deirdre
held a small plaque before her eyes which Doria was able to read once her
assistant remembered to turn it upside down.  
     It read simply "Chysalis - mixed media by Dee Dee".  Doria thought for a 
moment what she must look like.  An upside down woman, about 85% coccooned
with only her eyes (and glasses) visible for facial features (unless you
counted the hair poking through the webbing that was now glued to its exterior
rather than interior layer) sealed within a block of amber.  Just the sort of
thing that would fascinate her if she saw it in an art gallery but it was hard
to appreciate the irony.    
     Someone must have held an induction microphone against the Boing as she
suddenly heard both her assistants clearly.
     "But is it art?"
     "Dunno but I don't know much about art but I know what I like."
     "Me too, let's come back to study it on our coffee break.
     With that the voices and all sound ceased and the feet moved away.
Unable to move Doria sighed solely inside her head.
       It was going to be a very long day.
       She was right.  The one bright spot was that neither of the Dee Dees
returned for their coffee break or at any other time so at least somebody had
got them.  Who and how was her favourite speculation as the day dragged 
towards midnight when Prank Day would end as unofficvially as it had begun
and she would be released along with all the other unlucky victims.
      As the day progressed her temper cooled and Doria decided it would be
unfair to take any action against either Dee Dee because of this incident.  
They hadn't done anything wrong by Institute standards and in a way she had to
admire their ingenuity.  It was clear now she had been underestimating them,
she would have to give them a bit more credit and independance instead of
constantly watching over their shoulders.  Besides if she had been more alert
this would never have happened so some of the responsibility was hers.  Any
way she looked at things it would be unfair for her to hold a grudge.
     After all as a former world champion athlete she had a duty, nay an
obligation to be a good sport.  It was a matter of upholding her honour.
      Besides she could imagine many terrrible things that could have waylaid
them and that helped pass the time.
      As in many situations in life you had to look on the bright side.      
   
Report Concludes

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